It sounds like the road trip from hell and guess what – it is! The problem is that we’ve all now embarked on it.
Labour spent the first few miles griping about the rusty old jalopy Rishi Sunak flogged them. Then it all kicked off.
Chancellor Rachel Reeves is desperate to put her foot down and accelerate towards economic growth.
She reckons that without serious investment and infrastructure expansion, Britain will be stuck in the bus lane.
Sitting beside her is Energy Secretary Ed Miliband, slamming on the brakes at every opportunity.
He’s convinced economic progress must take a back seat to his net zero green agenda.
Every time Reeves tries to take a sharp right, he grabs the steering wheel and yanks it hard to the left.
They’re like a squabbling couple who’ve got lost on the way to the airport. In this case, Heathrow Airport.
Now they’re bickering over Heathrow’s third runway. Where is it? Should they build it? Will it be done when they get there? Or will the planet melt first?
Reeves sees the third runway as a vital piece of infrastructure to boost trade, investment and economic dynamism.
Miliband shrieks “climate vandalism” whenever she brings it up.
And while they bicker, Britain’s position as a global transport hub is left hanging in the balance.
There’s another huge conflict looming in the rearview mirror.
Our squabbling co-drivers can’t agree what to do about the UK’s valuable North Sea oil and gas reserves.
Reeves sees the Rosebank oil field as an opportunity to secure energy revenues and protect North Sea jobs.
Miliband views it as a climate killer that must be shut down. Even at the cost of leaving Britain reliant on expensive and dirtier imported energy.
He doesn’t care what it costs the economy or working families. Reeves does.
And don’t get them started on carbon capture technology. Miliband wants to blow a staggering £22billion on the unproven tech. Reeves knows that money could be better spent elsewhere but daren’t say in case Miliband loses his rag and drives into a tree.
As Miliband and Reeves wrestle over the controls, the Labour government is swerving from economic pragmatism to ideological environmentalism without any clear sense of purpose.
So where is Keir Starmer in all of this?
Instead of setting the direction of travel, he’s stuck in the back seat wondering where we’re all heading.
The PM had just one job – to pack the roadmap. But he forgot. And everyone’s really annoyed with him but daren’t say because it’s his car.
Except for deputy PM Angela Rayner. She’s spent the journey giving him ugly looks.
Rayner hates being stuck in the backseat. All her union leader mates tell her she should be at the wheel.
And it won’t be long before she grabs the handbrake, knocking us further off course with her employment rights bill, which will dump another £5billion of costs onto struggling businesses.
That’s on top of the £40billion tax charge Reeves has already hit them with.
The only thing all Starmer, Reeves, Miliband and Rayner can agree on is that all those lovely green fields they can see out of the windows must be bulldozed.
Obliterated by solar panels, electric pylons, wind turbines, nuclear plants and battery packs, as if that will solve all of their problems.
A car crash? More like a motorway pile-up – and we’re all trapped desperately asking “Are we there yet?”
Well we’re not. We’ve got another four years of this. Buckle up!
